I have to tell you something heart-wrenching.
I wrote a blogpost called Giving My Power Away last week.
I wrote those words from a clear sense of purpose and knowing. And yet, a few days later, I fell off my love wagon, when I chose to engage in an emotional and heated exchange with my brother.
Though we grew up together, and come from a shared value system, we found ourselves in the belly of the political beast, swimming around in hate and vitriol.
My fear for what might happen to us as a nation was victorious over the love I feel for my brother.
It was a moment of truth for me — acting from a place that was uncomfortable and foreign — far from the loving person who seeks to understand. My whole body trembled with an emotion I wasn’t accustomed to feeling.
Astonishingly, it was like an out of body experience – my rage rising up to match his.
Afterward, I felt an overwhelming sense of shame and sadness. How can he and I be so divided? There must be some ground in which our shared values would serve to reconnect us.
I hugged him and told him I love him. And still, something broke apart inside me.
And then I imagined how often this must happen in the world – brother and sister, husband and wife, daughter and mother, forgoing love and connection in favor of our need to be right. This is why we must come together, more now than ever before in my lifetime — to remind one another where our REAL power exists.
My stand for love and positive intentions is now stronger because of my recent, poor decision to slide into fear and rage. The contrast has been a powerful teacher.
My love for my brother remains, though we strongly disagree. I want to be the person who can disagree with someone while fiercely loving them, both through words and actions.
I’ll do better next time.